new years resolution

Happy New Year to all of you…                                      dance pic
In reflection on what we call a year that passed I have had an incredibly exciting and turbulent time…the year started with me hopping around in a dance studio on my own…only knowing one thing… I want to dance… I want to communicate beauty, I want to communicate depth and love and profundity…through art…
the year brought a very inspiring man into my life from whom I learned a lot about love…
it also brought the work and performances with Girish Patel I am really grateful for, it brought the inspiring collaborations with Simon Howell, it brought the fantastic opportunity to exhibit and perform in Sheffield and to work with Aidan Pinsent and all of these occurrences expanded my vision of where the new year can go…
altogether I learned an awful lot about love…. and my own limits…and the more the art I created incarnated and the more people reflected back to me the depth and beauty they saw in it… the more I felt like a total fake…. people fell not short of seeing something really beautiful… but my personal life was not yet lived on the same level…
I just could not yet fully see my own patterning and my fear of love in personal terms.
It could not go on like this….What I incarnate in my work had to begin to infiltrate all areas of my life….the one was informing the other….
finally the penny dropped…I had no difficulty to really nurture and love and be one with the everyone of an audience…. but pardoxically…would I allow myself to be included as soon as I walked away from the images, the poems, the movements and the people who watched me?
No. I still deep down held onto a pattern of being glamorously, uniquely, outstandingly and unimaginable undeserving of Love. Hello Narcissus!
A desperate attempt to hold onto the feeling of separateness. Just understanding a pattern intellectually is just not the same as really understanding it in the bodily being. Only then unconditional love will be allowed to outshine the old…. and brighten a new way of being… free to love…..to be love and to receive love….anywhere, everywhere and in all circumstances of life…
that’s my New Year’s Resolution….
xxx

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